Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
