i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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