Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
