I've blown a few things in my day
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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