carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We're too hungover to prance.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
