I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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