dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
