Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize