at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
