we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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