Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
