If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
