last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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