I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
