Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
