just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
