do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
