one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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