somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
