Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
