why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
