Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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