Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
