So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
