we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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