I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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