I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize