She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
