new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She even gives head with a lisp.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
