So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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