Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
