you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize