What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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