he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
