I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Randomize