I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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