I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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