There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
