Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize