I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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