There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
