His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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