she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
