So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
