He asked me if I "almost moaned"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
zippers are such a cool invention
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
