he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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