Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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