Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
