Your face is a jimmy john
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
