Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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