I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
