Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
