U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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