She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
