That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
