8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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