No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
babies were throwing up all over the place
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
