So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize