Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
