I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
