She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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