He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
