Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
