I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
