I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
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Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
