It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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