Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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