well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
