My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
