if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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