awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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