drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
only if we run a train.
done.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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