a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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