dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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